Funny Man. Real Food. — Every Recipe From the Show

Ep. 2

European Salad

Every European knows this salad. The juice at the bottom is the whole point — catch it with a piece of bread.

Per serving: ~205 kcal · ~4g protein · ~19g carbs · ~14g fat Estimate — most of those calories are the olive oil. Very keto.

Halve about 30 cherry tomatoes.
Dice 1 English cucumber and ½ a red onion.
Roll 1 whole lemon on the counter first — it gives more juice — then squeeze it all in.
Chop ⅕ of a bunch of cilantro and drop it in. Yes, cilantro.
Add 1 tsp salt and 2 Tbsp olive oil.
Toss it and let it sit a few minutes. The juice builds at the bottom — that’s the whole point.
Serve it next to rice and beef, or potatoes. The juice runs over everything.
Last step, not optional: catch the last of that juice with a piece of bread.

Makes 2 servings — it’s a side; it goes next to the main plate.

Ep. 1

These aren’t chicken patties. They’re chicken CDs — ground chicken thighs, smashed so thin they needed a new name.

Per burger: ~350 calories · ~25g protein Estimate — I cook by feel, not by scale.

Grind 7 chicken thighs. (Half a yellow onion and 3–4 garlic cloves get ground right in with them. Only 6 thighs appear in the video — symmetry matters. 😄)
Season by heart — smoked paprika, salt, black pepper. We don’t measure with teaspoons; we measure by heart. (Exact measurements are in the ingredient list, for everyone who doesn’t.)
Mix it all by hand.
Hot pan, light spray of oil. Drop a ball of the mix, parchment paper on top, and SMASH it thin with the press.
Fry till golden and cooked through (165°F, no pink), flip once.
Build it: brioche bun, 2–3 patties with cheese in the middle, homemade burger sauce (ketchup + mustard + a little pickle juice), tomato, red onion, shredded iceberg lettuce, pickles.

Makes 27 thin patties — about 8–10 burgers. My family eats well tonight.